ANTI ABORTION LAWS, “THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WIN ARE THE LAWYERS.” FANTASTIC!

You’ve heard the saying, “the only people who win are the lawyers,” right?  It’s what people say when they’re talking about some lawsuit, usually trying to get the other side to settle because after years embroiled in court, the people who come out of it happy are the lawyers who made bank from working on it.  So you get it?  Alrighty then, lets talk about why yesterday in Tennessee was a great day for lawyers.

Last night in Tennessee, something called Amendment 1 passed.  What is Amendment 1, you ask.  It’s a twist on a very old ditty, prevalent in the South, parts of the Midwest and Utah.

It goes a little something like this,

“Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of an abortion. The people retain the right through their elected state representatives and state senators to enact, amend, or repeal statutes regarding abortion, including, but not limited to, circumstances of pregnancy resulting from rape or incest or when necessary to save the life of the mother.”

So what does this mean legally?

MONEY!

For the lawyers who are going to be duking this out for years to come at least.

The first stage of this wonderful money making operation is going to be on the state level.  I’ve named it The Return of The Restrictions.  Now that they can pass laws restricting the right to an abortion without the TN Supreme Court telling them that violates the TN Constitution (which they tried in the past and got knocked down, so lawyers made money fighting those battles too, so those were still good days for my people), they are going to pass those laws.

During this time, pro-choice groups will be funneling dollars to fight against this legislation, and the state will pour money in on the anti abortion side to counter it (your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen) and then when the thing passes (which it will since that majority is what allowed the amendment in the first place) abortion centers will be shut down, or have onerous restrictions, or just be forced to do humiliating and painful things to the women seeking an abortion, and the laws requiring those will be taken to court.

Now here’s where the big bucks come in.  Stage 2, The Rise to Federal Court.  The laws will be fought against under the federal abortion rules set up by cases, basically Roe v. Wade and Casey v. Planned Parenthood.  The whole a state can put in restrictions as long as it’s not an undue burden thing.  No matter which side wins on the lower levels of federal court, the loser will take it up to the next level and the next, as in, to The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS).

That’s years of legal battles, millions of dollars on both sides (even more of your tax dollars going in to support one side) and hoping SCOTUS actually takes the case so the lawyers can make even more money.

During these years between restrictions on abortions and SCOTUS smacking down the laws it finds do qualify as an undue burden: abortion clinics may be closed, leaving women in poor rural areas SOL (like Texas, which is on it’s way to SCOTUS); the state may impose mandated counseling before an abortion (that includes information on at least one of the following: the purported link between abortion and breast cancer (5 states), the ability of a fetus to feel pain (12 states) or long-term mental health consequences for the woman (8 states) http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_OAL.pdf); the state may require invasive procedures like the transvaginal ultrasound (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/11/transvaginal-ultrasound-lawsuit_n_3907422.html) which sounds like state required rape, but come on, that’s just those liberals trying to make it sound as invasive, traumatic and abusive as possible.  What’s so bad about having something shoved into your body against your will?  You already had sex, so obviously you’re fine with things being shoved into you (except the women who are getting an abortion because they were raped, but still, how often does a women get pregnant from that, doesn’t her body reject getting pregnant from a rape anyway?)  Also, it’s state sanctioned, so it’s not a crime like rape is.  That’s why rape is so traumatic, because it’s a crime, not the other way around.

These are just a few examples of laws that were passed, debated, fought over, and taken to court.

Some are making their way up to SCOTUS, some tried and never got there, some haven’t really been picked up by the organizations with money to fight them (think ACLU) yet.  The states always have the money to defend their laws because hey, you elected the politicians in them to spend your money on the really important stuff, like making sure those horrible women don’t kill babies.  After all, what’s worse than killing off the most innocent of creatures?  And what’s more innocent than a baby when it’s a cluster of cells that can’t think, let alone do any harm to anyone… well, except to the person it’s inside of, but hey, she’s the one who had sex.

So during those years that the abortion laws are in effect and making it difficult if not impossible for women to get an abortion, the lawyers will be making bank.  And those women who can’t get an abortion due to the restrictions will only be the ones who can’t afford it, or the travel to one of the few clinics that meet the restrictions put in place for women’s safety and health.

And come on, how many poor people get knocked up without planning to?  Can they even afford sex?  Although, I think I heard that poor people tend to have unwanted pregnancies more than normal people.  They’ll just have to have the babies and then put them up for adoption.  Though, they insist on leeching off the government during these pregnancies because of the extra medical costs, and they’re the ones having kids they can’t pay for.  My tax dollars shouldn’t go towards that.  And then once the kid’s in the system, the state has to pay to take care of it.  They should just stop having sex if they can’t figure out the simplicity of birth control or a condom.  And insurance shouldn’t pay for birth control because that makes people slutty and my religion says people should only have sex to procreate.  Hmmm, some of this is starting to clash.

I know!  They should just stop having sex, period.

Sex is wrong anyway, and it’s only okay if it is to procreate.  And people should only procreate if they can afford it.  And my tax dollars shouldn’t go towards taking care of them if they can’t afford it.  And I want my tax dollars to go to stopping abortions because they’re wrong.  There we go, I made it work.

I seem to have gone off on a tangent.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, MONEY!  So now, the lawyers are going to be raking in money and making jobs since there’s going to be so much work and the money to pay for it in the battles around abortions, and that makes it a great day for lawyers, especially in this economy.

The war has been going on for decades, but this battle started yesterday.  Rejoice my people, for we have already won.

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